she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
