She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
