Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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