dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize
