i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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