dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
