That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
