John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
