I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
