just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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