Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
