It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
