do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
