I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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