im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
so much tequila, so little girl.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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