Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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