My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
