I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
