Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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