we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
