My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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