Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
