Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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