We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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