I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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