True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
