Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
