dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
