I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
