Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
