just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
