Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
