Have you finally orgasmed yet?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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