You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
