Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
