and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
