He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i now understand why vodka
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
