why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
