I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
