Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
