Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
