girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
