Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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