Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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