She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
