Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
