so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
