The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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