In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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