Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
